Lately, I’ve noticed a trend that’s as quiet as it is disruptive: more and more people are struggling to come down after conflict at work — even the minor stuff.
A misunderstood email. A curt comment in a meeting. A task delegated without consultation. These aren’t big workplace blowups. They’re the small, everyday friction points — the kind that used to be absorbed, processed, and moved on from. But now? They’re sticking. They linger. They fester.
Why?
Here are a few thoughts I have on why. If you have others, Id love to hear them…
- The rise of self-focus and moral certainty.
Modern workplace culture places a strong emphasis on personal identity, values, and being “true to yourself.” While this can promote authenticity, it can also lead to a heightened sense of personal righteousness. With a stronger focus on personal identity and being “in the right,” people are more likely to see conflict through a moral lens. When we’re certain our view is correct, it becomes harder to reflect, soften, or move on. - Our emotional bandwidth is running low.
People are showing up already stretched — mentally, emotionally, socially. Minor conflicts don’t land on neutral ground — they land on a nervous system that’s already been in overdrive since 8am. Or let’s be honest — since 2020. - We’re under-practiced at repair rituals.
Hybrid and remote work haven’t just changed how we work — they’ve changed how we relate. The informal moments that used to allow for soft repair (banter in the hallway, a smile in the lunchroom) are less frequent. Without these micro-resets, small tensions have fewer offramps. In this recent Melbourne Business School research review, they identify the best ways to repair conflict at work. The one that stands out is don’t ruminate! - Reactions are mistaken for reality.
This is subtle but important. When people feel unsafe or unsupported at work, they tend to fuse with the feelings triggered by conflict — “I feel disrespected” becomes “I am disrespected here.” And that makes it much harder to let go of a moment that stung.
So what can we do?
How do we stop paper cuts from becoming infections?
- Coach people to separate
- the story from the facts.
Normalize the emotional echo, but don’t let it lead. - Teach decompression rituals (walk, breath, listen to music, debrief) or prompt the reset by asking something like “What would help you move forward from this?” There are some other good pointers in this article here.
- Model how to acknowledge tension without overprocessing it. A good frame that can help put things into perspective is “remember I’m at work”.
The Real Goal?
Point Lonsdale Pier this week
The goal isn’t to eliminate conflict. It’s to have better recovery. Yeap I’m advocating ice baths for workplace conflicts!
We need to take responsibility for our own decompression and help others to recalibrate.
If you want to develop your skills further in this area… and many more, you can join us at our next small group workshop in Melbourne – Don’t miss the opportunity, sign up here ➡️
Better Conversations Workshop May 2025
